I sit here in the quiet of the morning sipping the luke warm coffee as the helicopter passes over, rattling the dirty dishes that consume the kitchen sink.
I’m contemplating this morning. It’s Monday; and like most Mondays I awaken with a fresh perspective that I am going to make this the very best week ever. Will this be the week; I ask myself, the week that I get my life together? In reality, probably not. But it remains the hope that I can at least move in a forward direction towards a better week.
Last week was an extremely sad week for me. Seasonal depression is real, and for the first time, I’ve decided to accept it and “embrace it” I guess you could say. For the week, and even some this week, I am allowing myself to feel the sadness. To rest there for a brief time, but not to stay there. I think in years past, so many times I tried to run from the sadness, and perhaps you do to. But the sadness is bigger than us, it’s vastness stretches as far as the gray skies that bring the sadness to begin with.
I would love to say to you here, but God in some resounding spiritual way, but the truth is, there are many moments that I neglected to lean into Him. And if I’m being honest, sometimes when I’m deep in sadness, or when life’s real events have me feeling a bit down, the last thing I want is someone telling me their story about how God showed up the next day, or about some miracle in their life changed things overnight.

Sometimes, I just want to sit in that sadness. Of course I want to celebrate someones testimony, but I’m of flesh and sometimes I think “where’s my breakthrough God?

I absolutely believe some of that can be the enemy feeding us too though. The enemy wants us to believe that God has forgotten about us. I will tell you, that even though I neglected to lean into Him most days, He was still there. He is always there. Waiting in the distance like a true gentleman. Waiting for me to call upon Him. I don’t think I did though. Not like we should, and yet He still carried me through. Some of that boils down to just having the slightest bit of faith.
I want to be clear here, don’t discount that someone else’s sadness is deeper than mine, and maybe they haven’t felt like they’ve been carried through, or even carried at all. I’ve definitely felt that aloneness. If you’re there, I am so so sorry. I don’t discount that mental illness is a real thing and some people may require professional intervention. There is a fine line between trusting in the God of the Universe to carry you through, and trusting in a man, gifted by God to guide you through.

As we continue on through these winter months, it is my prayer, for you and for me that we can be a little better today than we were yesterday. That we allow ourselves a small amount of grace for each day. That we remember that God’s mercies are new each and every morning.