Looking back over my last few blog posts, it was pretty evident that I was clearly struggling with motherhood. Motherhood is hard, and I’m not going to candy coat it with lies that make you believe that I enjoy every waking moment of it.
It’s absolutely ok to get burned out, exhausted, even resentful on the hard days. We don’t have to stay there. I’ve said it, I love my children with every single breathe I have within me. I would move heaven and earth for my babies if I could. Loving my children endlessly, doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days, or even bad seasons. I’m giving you permission right now to have a bad day.

but now what? How do I redeem those words I typed in moments of exhaustion and emotional fatigue? Well, I don’t. I don’t need to apologize, or remove the posts, because I absolutely considered that and then quickly reminded myself that I vowed to write real, and raw, and with absolute authenticity!!!
I just need to move forward and focus on the good this week.

The problem is, I get so many thoughts, ideas and scenarios swirling through my mind, that I don’t leave any room for anyone else to occupy space there, and when they try I become irritable.

I feel like Matthias here, buried beneath the blocks. Blocks of all the decisions I’m struggling to make.
How do I do it all? Many actually don’t, they outsource.
Lord, can I look into outsourcing some of these dreams? I heard a quote yesterday that resonated so strongly with me.
I can’t recall it word for word, but they were basically saying that in a world today full of SO MUCH free information, if you can’t learn about what it is you’re trying to do, then you’re merely making excuses.

It’s me. I’m making the excuses.

I don’t know what God has in store. I feel so strongly about what I think He has for me. But yes, I have to put in the work, I have to conquer the self doubt and put in the work. Believing it is absolute what he has for me and our future.

I know this is a lot of random talk, and actually isn’t what I intended to write about this week, but I just needed to place some words in the box and hit publish. I needed, for me to accomplish something on the list, even if it was an altered variation of the original plan.